T —

A bee stung me today.

(I did not deserve that!)

I didn’t kill the bee.

I felt bad for it.

She sacrificed herself, for nothing.

+

My friend repeats this story every time we hang out.

(At first I thought, it was because of the alcohol.

Now I think, she just wanted me to remember it.)

When she was in Taiwan, she went to a shaman.

(A super famous guy that people pay millions to see.

She is very well connected, so he “read” her for free.)

He just looks at her.

Then he asks her —Can I touch you?

(Her friend’s translating.)

She’s thinking —WTF!

He stands up, walks behind her, and presses his finger…above her butt crack.

She cries out in pain.

He says —You’ll have trouble giving birth because of that.

That was her tail bone, broken years earlier: skiing accident.

It had never healed properly.

Some know, just by looking, where the broken places are.

They can help you heal.

+

I really love the beach, water and sand.

Sand fascinates me, especially wet sand.

It holds all this water — it’s like magic.

I suppose, if you put fresh water on wet sand, eventually, it would force the old water out.

The soul is like sand:

Pain gives way to love…

…just keep adding more love.

+

When I lived with V., we had this coffee table — blonde wood, maybe pine or birch.

One day, one of us put a highlighter-orange flyer on the table and then a cold beer on top.

(dumb)

Result: a nasty orange stain — a ring — right in the middle of the table.

We never blamed each other. We never could remove it.

It bothered us.

Fast forward a few months. Her mother comes. I wasn’t there.

Somehow, her mother got it out. We don’t know exactly how.

You could not see it at all. It was gone…

Years later, I still think of this.

+

I watch too much television.

(That’s how I find things.)

eg, This has stuck with me:

—So worship me. So that when spring comes, you and I will have become different people.

—How do you worship someone?

—You cheer them on. You tell them they can do anything and that everything is possible. You cheer them on.

—Are you sure? That you and I will have become different people when spring comes?

—I’m positive.

(You can find truth anywhere.)

Shakespeare was once pop culture.

+

(Honestly though, love is much, much simpler:

—When she smiles, you smile with her.)

+

I’m sure I told you, I wrote a poem in first-grade.

I read it out loud.

They loved it.

I felt proud.

So proud.

What if that never happened?

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Stumbled upon some acting quotes:

—A human being experiencing extreme emotions right in front of our very eyes is really an amazing bit of magic.

—There is almost nothing as beautiful or powerful as a human being whose every cell is alive with streaming energy and intelligence, as seen in truly great performances in music, dance or theater.

+

You want to do something that thrills your brain.

I want to do something that thrills my heart.

Are they the same thing?

🤔

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Flying Asiana Airlines 203 to Seoul, arriving Friday, October 4th, 4:20 a.m., then taking N6701 to Mapo station.

Checking in at the Shilla Stay Mapo Hongdae, freshening up, then dozing off (before obsessing over outfits).

Will then need some strong, black coffee — say 10 a.m.?

(I’m buying.)

Look for the dapper, elegant gentleman in the white hat…

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FIGHTING!

— D

P.S. My KakaoTalk ID: dahernandez

My Dearest T —

I am living my dream:

It’s very late, I am writing, Brahms is playing, the window’s open, I am happy.

(so, very, happy)

(some dream, huh?)

+

I wrote you a letter but decided to toss it out.

(I didn’t.)

I may send it later.

I hope they don’t burden you, that is, if you even read them.

It’s just that, when I have something to tell, I want to tell you.

+

(case in point)

I met with a student this week. She was writing an essay.

(Essays are really just letters.)

We discussed ideas for topics and she shared some personal struggles.

(I can’t say what exactly but close to things you’ve shared.)

Suddenly she began to cry — tears streamed down her face, which quickly became red, swollen.

I did what I could in the time I had.

(What a privilege to have her trust.)

I thought, if she were willing to, maybe I could help her use these emotions and experiences to write something not just compelling, but also transformative.

I thought, if nothing else, maybe through this essay, she might take the first step towards healing.

I have no idea how but I have found my place.

(what i love doing, what i do well, what the world needs)

+

(afterwards)

I watched Uncle Buck, again.

I reallyyy love John Hughes.

(He gets it.)

His films always hit hard.

They’re understanding, gentle, funny, true…

For example,

—A lot of people hate this hat. It angers people, just the sight of it.

(^Me, exactly!)

You have to watch it.

(Watch just for the hats.)

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The oddest thing happened today:

I sat in my backyard, smoking a cigar, and a junebug kept circling me — really close, like, inches away.

I could feel the cool breeze of its wings on my skin, as from a handheld fan.

It seemed like it was trying to figure me out, trying to decide what to do with me.

(I get that a lot.)

+

All my love (in a pork-pie hat),

— D

P.S.

Did you ever notice

that the best filmmakers have great taste in music?

and the best musicians have great taste in writing?

and the best writers have great taste in painting?

and the best painters … have great taste in women?

P.P.S.

Oh, listen to the Chopin: Préludes & Piano Sonata No. 2 by Martha Argerich.

(Holy Poop!)

P.P.P.S.

You know that song “Wrote for Luck”?

My song would be, “Wrote for Love”!

(lol)

My Dearest T —

—Do you know who you are?

I watched the most fascinating movie last night.

I found it by accident.

It lives on the same plane as my script, only in a far, far different quadrant.

Is nothing new under the sun?

+

Boston’s haunting me.

I remembered one day in the dining hall sitting with a friend, and a girl I had a crush on walked through the door.

My friend teased me —You completely lit up, she said —You absolutely came alive.

I suppose I did.

(I haven’t changed.)

The same friend who, prophetically, thought I should direct movies.

(I write them, close enough.)

+

I watched the best documentary two nights ago, Yves Saint Laurent: The Last Collections.

On work —I changed and decided to be happy, and to work in joy.

On creativity —Walk along the rooftops without slipping and falling…

(Neil Gaiman says almost the same thing in his own colorful way.)

On confidence —You must have assertions which can become certitudes to be shared with others…If you have doubts, others won’t believe in you.

On quintessence —It requires an elegance of the heart.

While watching, I had a song in my heart.

(sentimental me)

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I suppose I feel proud of a few things.

(not the ones you think)

Tonight I thought, what I feel most proud of is, learning to engage with people.

(yes i had to learn)

I spent too much of my life cut off from them.

Sometimes they infuriate me; often they enthrall me.

(I have only fallen in love twice though.)

Fun fact:

The phrase fall in love — which sounds like it has existed forever — only came into usage in 1913! (Source: OED.)

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I had some big presentations this week.

I don’t have the luxury of being nervous.

I need to do well.

People rely on me — period.

+

I’ve only told my friend Sarah this:

If I ever own a bar, I’ll name it Franklin & Winston’s, after my two heroes who were also great friends.

They inspired each other — and me!

I remembered this quote yesterday, aligned with some other reading:

—The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.

(The adage predates F.D.R., F.Y.I.)

I never really thought about it though.

When I did, it hit me.

Fear separates us from each other, from our lives, from our dreams.

Like an addiction, it can cripple and consume us.

It poses more danger to us than what we fear.

Of course, some things we should fear.

Fear protects us.

(also)

It directs us.

It tells us where to look, what to do, how to grow.

In our fears lie our courage.

Fear fear, nothing else.

(Not original, but still worth saying.)

+

(closing thought)

I hate this woman’s writing but I love her thinking.

Today I read this:

—The longer I live, the more deeply I learn that love — whether we call it friendship or family or romance — is the work of mirroring and magnifying each other’s light. Gentle work. Steadfast work. Life-saving work in those moments when life and shame and sorrow occlude our own light from our view, but there is still a clear-eyed loving person to beam it back. In our best moments, we are that person for another.

All my love (and a beam of light),

— D

P.S.

The weather went from 100s to 70s (F) overnight.

I heard the perfect quote too:

—You’ve always lived in a Mediterranean climate. A clear, mild, and perfect environment.

(i have mostly)

In L.A., we have the “marine layer.”

(i’ve always loved that name)

Maybe other places have it too — a sheet of thick grey clouds that come in from the sea.

It seemed so cool and damp this morning, I thought it might rain.

(It reminded me of the “peninsula mentality” vs “island mentality” argument, I don’t know why.)

Oh!, and there was an earthquake today!

⚡️ 

It puts everything in perspective.

P.P.S.

I have been craving chocolate and mushrooms lately, in no real order.

(am i pregnant?)

Also, sautéed green beans with slivered almonds is a winning combination!

P.P.P.S.

I also can’t get this stupid song off my mind (here).

Which then reminded me of this song (here).

My Dearest T —

(randomness alert)

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I had a funny day Thursday.

(Interesting to me, boring to anybody.)

First, I had a visit from an old friend, Red Cat.

He always used to hang out in my backyard.

He would hop the front gate, hang out, then hop the back gate.

Small guy, a teenager.

Often, he’d sit at my patio door, looking in, watching me as if watching television.

(What was he thinking?

Was I a good actor?)

He seemed like a human just trapped inside a cat.

I hadn’t seen him lately.

Yesterday he climbed the back gate, looked at me, then slipped under and out.

I get it: Sometimes you just don’t want to deal with people.

It reminded me of this song (here):

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Then, sitting in my usual spot, a bee fell from the sky, (?!), landing on my belly.

He did that dance that bees do.

Was he trying to tell me something?

I don’t know.

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I remembered this song yesterday — “Einstein’s Day” (here) by Mission Of Burma, a Boston band.

I have no idea what this song is about — painting? — yet it always took the pain away.

(Mission of Burma lyric: —Honesty’s an actor’s worst mistake.)

(bullshit)

+

Boston on my mind lately.

A few times there, I felt so lonely I thought I might die.

Not to mention, how dark, cold, snowy, rainy, or too damn humid it got.

(Weather can really fuck with your mental.)

The hardest times teach the greatest lessons though.

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Did I mention I studied theater in college?

I always forget that I did.

I also worked in one, the American Repertory Theatre.

(While a nobody, I met a lot of somebodies.)

I should reread/rewatch The Caucasian Chalk Circle sometime. I always loved that one.

I have a thing about circles — a future letter, for sure.

+

Which reminds me, I hate the word compromise.

(not just the word, the idea)

Compromise implies, I gain something and you lose something and vice versa.

So, everyone loses.

I believe in win-win-win:

I get what I want and you get what you want and the relationship grows even stronger.

Yet people rarely see all the possibilities that exist.

(why mindfulness and meditation matter)

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Confluence, on the other hand, a word I do love:

—the flowing together of two or more things, usually towards a greater purpose

From the Latin confluēns, meaning literally:

flowing together

(I think I’ve just found the name of my production company!)

(confluēns)

(i love it)

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Parents often get stupid ideas.

I remembered this because I started boxing again.

I taught my daughter to box once, for self-confidence, self-defense, and self-esteem.

(She was 9 or 10.)

She was great — that Hernandez mean streak, remember.

One day, she got mad at me.

(Kids always get mad at their parents. We rarely know why.)

She yelled and screamed in my face.

OK, I don’t condone violence, but I told her —Hit me!

She did.

(reference: here)

Luckily, she stuck to body shots.

I nursed bruised ribs and abs but felt fine. 

She got shook.

Her own rage terrified her.

We never did that again.

In fact, we got along well afterwards.

Talk about catharsis.

(true story)

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I read a quote about Barbara Stanwyck.

(God I love her)

—She only lives for two things, and both of them are work.

(three for me)

So, my exciting news: I got asked to teach a writing class.

I would build the curriculum from scratch.

(on top of my writing coaching gigs)

I felt flattered — but what really excited me?

Helping young people write well — a skill they’ll use all their lives.

(me so dramatic)

I beamed when they asked me, as if they had asked

—Would you like a million dollars?

I already wrote the proposal.

It feels like a gift.

+

I read that: —Scripts are built.

My first thought? —So is love.

Word by word. Act by act.

(love in general)

+

All my love,

(who could deserve it more?)

(though you needn’t)

— D