Dear T —

August 10th, in the morning, I sat at a traffic light.

I don’t know how many times it changed.

Finally someone honked.

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I have learned just three valuable things in life.

I will tell you the most important one in this letter.

A quote in a shop window reminded me.

(I always planned to tell you. Now seems good.)

Everyone gives new parents advice.

(They need it.)

Most live each moment terrified of

—doing something that will harm their child’s life

—not doing something that will help their child’s life

A teacher then told me this

—One percent of what you do might harm them and one percent of what you do might help them but the other ninety-eight percent won’t do either. You will just be together. Enjoy each other.

For me, this changed everything.

It freed me.

It enabled joy.

(It applies to adults too.

It applies to all relationships.)

OK, now I’ve told you.

(check)

The quote I saw was

—It is not necessary to teach others, to cure them or to improve them; it is only necessary to live among them, sharing the human condition and being present to them in love.

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Tons to share but all can wait.

— All my love, D

(it regenerates)

P.S. Hey, don’t worry. No one will treat your heart more gently.

Dear T —

Some thoughts.

(All good, promise.)

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(first)

You did nothing wrong.

I understand…

…and thank you for sharing.

The madwoman? So adorable.

(Can you solve problems of the heart with your brain?

Still, my favorite feature is behind your eyes.)

I’ve learned not to skip too many steps.

No, it’s not over. It hasn’t even started!

Also, my nose finally healed.

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(second)

When you selectively share, you always have more to share.

I’ve struggled the past few months.

I felt trapped in an eclipse.

(just a metaphor)

First, work.

Since January, I didn’t know if I had a job.

Then, health.

I’ve had some problems, nothing contagious, or fatal.

Plus, well…

Finally, I got good news — all on the same day — the day of your last note.

(coincidence?)

I have a job. I have my health. I have a light.

(good things come in threes)

Just had déjà vu too…

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(third)

These letters have meant a lot to me.

They gave me comfort.

Thank you.

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(fourth)

Kairos: one of the first things my mentor Zelda taught me.

Greek, ecclesiastical, she explained it as —the perfect right time for something to happen.

Did I go too fast?

(forgive me)

I’ll come soon.

I promise not to go too slow.

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(fifth)

Games: I don’t play them.

If I did, I would say —I’m not asking you to wait for me…

Actually, —I’m begging you to wait for me…

(—My idea of love is that love isn’t ashamed of nothing.)

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(sixth)

Olympic games: I’ve learned Koreans excel in archery, fencing, and shooting.

Y’all are violent.

(Not even mentioning NorKor.)

I will not mess with you.

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(seventh)

Church: I went Sunday.

This always happens:

The sermon theme? —Grow up!

It was for me.

(From the newspaper —You have obligations to people. You can’t make dumb choices.)

I need to be the person that the people in my life need me to be.

I accept.

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(eighth)

Doctor: He made me cry.

He said —You’re still young…

I have time.

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(ninth)

Ikigai: From the TV —Purpose helps you do amazing things.

Not what are you doing?, but why are you doing it?

(I write to heal.)

Also —Her spirit desires perfection.

(Mine desires expression.)

What are your answers?

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(random thought 1)

Why do some dogs have one blue eye?

There’s a story there.

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(random thought 2)

As an actress and fashionista, are you ever the same woman twice?

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(random thought 3)

Am I beginning to sound like you?

—All my love, yours for the taking,

D

P.S.

(take two)

—Will you let me buy you a cup of coffee?

(please?)

—Tea is fine too.

P.P.S. Also how about some beef intestines? or pig’s trotters?

Dear T —

(off topic)

(not really)

So while building confidence, how do we battle fear?

Watching the Olympics, I noticed the archers’ heart rate monitors. During her set up, one archer’s heart rate kept falling.

Every time. By 10 points, or more…

She learned that.

I don’t know how she did it.

(Have to admit, watching women’s archery turned me on a little.)

I use this trick:

Before big presentations to Executive Creative Directors or clients, I do “box breathing.”

(I always do this actually.)

It turns a formal presentation into a casual conversation.

For work, I create ideas.

At first I struggled. I felt blocked by fear, frozen by pressure.

In fact, the harder I thought the worse my ideas got.

I’d have very little or very boring stuff.

(The first rule of entertainment? Never bore.)

I finally figured it out:

Free yourself. Have fun.

You can’t do ballet in a space suit.

(Later I found this study:

A researcher took people who had never played tennis before and made two groups.

Group 1 took lessons. Group 2 fooled around.

Afterwards, guess which group played better?)

Make work play. It works!

Simple. (Obvious.) Effective.

Play lets you take risks and make wonders.

(From an album review: —…brave enough to fail, although they come out heroes…)

A teacher once told me she writes because —Nobody’s life depends on it.

(it could though)

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(new topic)

(random thought)

If you do something because you have to, but it harms you, it’s an addiction.

If you do something because you have to, but it fulfills you, it’s a passion.

(You know why I write.)

It may not always feel fun, but it always feels satisfying.

I love it because of its difficulty, not in spite of it.

Do you find all you do rewarding?

(I hope so.)

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At the grocery store today I saw a little girl, 4-ish.

She had long black hair, a long blue dress, and a white stuffed rabbit she dragged around by one long ear.

She skipped everywhere.

(so sweet)

My daughter was a tomboy.

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I have some good news. I’ll tell you next time.

—All my love, no matter what,

D

P.S.

I saw a movie with my son last night. We sat in the second row in the middle.

He’ll never read this so I can tell you:

He has ADHD, anxiety, BPD and self-harmed, but I still don’t know a happier, smarter, more talented kid.

He’s worked through it, with help. We’ve worked through it.

You can love someone so much it hurts.

I love that kid so much.

P.P.S.

Best lines from the movie we saw:

—You don’t face your fears, you ride ’em.

—If you love something, you spend your whole life trying to understand it.

—If you feel it, chase it!

P.P.P.S.

I don’t know why but I had this song stuck in my head all week.

I looked it up and of course what it’s about…

P.P.P.P.S.

Would you say you’re more of an Anglophile or Francophile?

(think I know)